Chapter 12: Trapped
Pain
Pain boiled her blood, pain crushed her bones into fine powder, pain devoured her flesh…leaving nothing, but the pain of her tears. Kagome couldn’t even scream in pain as she was consumed by the elixir of immortality as it worked to turn her mortal flesh to that of immortal; she couldn’t even thrash in pain because of the cage of Sesshomaru’s arms that held her gently, wanting her pain to end already.
Kagome’s mind was lost in the pain and the darkness that she was trapped in by the elixir, when a light shined down on her and a hand reached out to her. She stared at it as her tears burned her skin, she wondered if that was the hand of death and this was the moment that she died. Reaching out her hand, she grabbed the hand, that gripped her tightly, like it would never let her go. Kagome closed her eyes, tired from the pain that was now slowly fading from her body.
oOo
Sesshomaru and everyone else sigh in relief when Kagome stopped thrashing around in Sesshomaru’s arms and slowly opened her eyes. Kagome looked around the rooms, in gaze before she looked at Sesshomaru. “Is this hell?” She asked him, why was he there if she was dead? Had she not been in enough pain since she was forced to be his concubine…why couldn’t she just die? “No, this is not hell, Kagome. Your duty to me is not done yet, I can’t not let death take you until it is.” Sesshomaru told her as he pushed some of her hair out of her face.
Kagome just stared at him, thinking of his words. Her duty had been forced on her and it was to birth his children, but would they her children as well? She thought of the wonderful dream that she had, the children that saw her as their mother, the children that she had given birth to from her own body, they didn’t even know who Sakura was. But did that mean that they were hers in the eyes of the demon world? She didn’t know and didn’t care at the time; she had just held her babies and cried when she had seen Mizuki, who looked just like her, but with silver hair instead of black. She had held Mizuki tightly in her arms and wanted to never let go…the urge to do that was still hitting her hard to be truthful. “Where is Mizuki?” She whispered quietly, she felt so tired and she wanted her baby so badly suddenly.
Nori was quick to leave the room and get the baby for Kagome, who was slowly falling asleep in Sesshomaru’s arms. Lady Kaede watched them with great interest, noting how Kagome slept so peacefully in Sesshomaru’s arms and how Sesshomaru held Kagome in his arms like she was his very heart. The way that he tenderly rubbed his lips against Kagome’s forehead told the old priestess that he truly cared for her and how his fingers caressed one of her cheeks.
His actions towards Kagome told the old priestess that the powerful demon Lord cared for Kagome deeply…maybe even loved her, though it seemed unlikely to the old woman. Also it seemed to Lady Kaede that Kagome only felt pain from being at Sesshomaru’s side; it didn’t surprise her, Kagome was a woman, who was stronger than most men that she knew. Kagome was living the life of Sesshomaru’s concubine and it was clearly killing the young woman. “If you do not mean me asking, Lord Sesshomaru…what are your feelings for Kagome, Lord Sesshomaru?” Lady Kaede asked.
A little startled by the sudden question, stopped his gentle touching of Kagome, though he didn’t take his hand off Kagome’s face as he raised his head to look at Lady Kaede. “She is my concubine and the mother of my daughter…the one who did this will suffer a fate worse than hell itself for doing this to Kagome.” He said calmly, though he raged inside. Holding Kagome in his arms though, calmed the rage inside and stopped his eyes from turning red as blood, he would need to use this ‘talent’ of Kagome’s in the future. For that was what is was, a talent…in the past, hold someone would not hold in the rage boiled inside of him. “That does not answer my question, Lord Sesshomaru.”
“She is my concubine, there is nothing more to say.” Sesshomaru growled at the old woman. Her question was starting to annoy him, what was he to feel for the mother of his child. He felt for her and felt honoured for the duty that she performed for him in birthing his children like a concubine was meant to do.
But unlike her, he had failed to do his duty to her in exchanged for their children. He had failed to protect her, and he was angry that he had failed to protect her from this; it made him look weak and it made him less of a male for failing her, it also gave the other Lords a chance to take her from him. But he wouldn’t let that happen, Kagome was his concubine and the mother of his little Moonlight, if they wanted her so badly…well, it would just mean that he would have to conquer them all the sooner than first planned.
Nori came back into the rooms with Mizuki, crying in her arms. Kagome was awaken by the cries of her little girl, opened her eyes as Nori moved to put Mizuki in her arms. Kagome smiled brightly at the sight of her daughter and held her tightly in her arms, Sesshomaru watched as he felt oddly content with Kagome in his arms and their daughter in hers. Safe and protect in his arms, they would stay that way now and forever, or the world would suffer.
oOo
Days passed before Lady Kaede told Kagome that she was well enough to leave Sesshomaru’s rooms, but sadly that meant that she was well enough for him to begin try to get her pregnant again. Nori had planned to have the new damned physicians would check her out in the afternoon and then would beginning the preparations of the breeding session would start like last time. Kagome didn’t look forward to it, but she didn’t see the point in fight it when she heard that Inuyasha was coming to save her…Sesshomaru hadn’t like that at all.
His eyes had turned red when Lady Kaede had been telling Kagome about how Inuyasha was looking for her, it had surprised Kagome a little to see the red eyes. He had been overprotective since the poisoning and refused to leave Kagome’s side to the point that he would have all of his paperwork and even his meetings in his rooms. It had annoyed her and Sakura had not liked it either, or Nori had told her.
Sakura that been flying into a rage every time that Sesshomaru refused to go to her, Sakura would tear her rooms apart every time until Nori had told her that had been enough and that if she did it again, then she would be sleeping in her torn apart rooms since no one would be cleaning it up anymore.
Kagome was a little on the fence with that, Nori had done the right thing of course, and Sakura was quite bratty, but she felt like she was to blame for the chaos. Sesshomaru was mated to Sakura and yet, he didn’t leave her side at all. Hell, he refused to let her even sleep on the other side of the futon. He kept her in his arms throughout the night and would carry her to the bathroom if she needed to go at night…he would even watch her go as well. He was driving her up the wall with his new overprotective attitude towards her and Mizuki.
But at least he had backed off a little now that she was well enough…though she now had ten guards with her at all time when she wasn’t with Sesshomaru or his mother. She was just happy that they didn’t carry her to the bathroom and watch her as she would go.
Pushing the unpleasant thoughts of Sesshomaru and his new overprotective nature out of her head, she picked up Mizuki to take a walk in the garden and relax before the afternoon. But she thought of her future here and about what she knew at the moment as she walked. Kagome knew that Inuyasha was coming for her; she knew that Sesshomaru was clearly not going to let her go without a fight; she knew that she wasn’t leaving without her daughter as well. So that left the question of what was going to happen…she knew Inuyasha, he wasn’t going to fail in coming after her, but it was likely that one of the brothers would die in the fight to come.
The odd thing was…she didn’t know if she wanted Sesshomaru die.
He was the father of her daughter; she knew that he loved their little girl with all his heart and he hadn’t been a monster to her in all ways. He had never hurt her body, though he continued to bine her to his will against her own. He denied her the freedom that she craved, he continue to force her to have sex with him against her will…she had always dreamed of losing her virginity to the one that she loved with all her heart, but he had taken that dream and torn it away as he took it for his own.
Why? Why did this have to happen to her? Why couldn’t she had found Inuyasha and started the life that she had always wanted with him? Why did she have to play the role of brood mare for Sesshomaru? But she questioned if she would ever have the answers to how her life had become this hell. The only answer that she did need was how to escape this place and her role of Sesshomaru’s brood mare. Sesshomaru would hunt her to the ends of the earth if she took Mizuki with her, and Kagome could not leave without her little girl. So in the end, she was a trapped bird in a cage of silver with her wings clipped.
oOo
Sesshomaru sat in his study, going over his paperwork, barely resisting the urge to go to Kagome’s side. He knew that Kagome found his protection a little annoying, but he had been deeply scared by almost losing her. Though, he would likely die an extremely painful death before he admit it to anyone and that included his mother.
He wondered what he could do to make Kagome happy again; since her near death experience and holding their daughter in her arms, she hadn’t smiled and it almost seemed like she was sealing apart of herself away from him. But the question would be why? He was the sire of their child and she should feel safe and happy to be at his side. At least that was the way that it was should have been; his mother had felt that way in the past when she had been at his father’s side.
Sesshomaru knew that there was no love between his parents…at least, not the kind of endless devotion type of love. His parents had been mates and were partners, they had loved each other as friends and nothing more. His mother had never wanted or needed the love of a man, she had simply desired to have children to love and raise as well as to help create a strong line of warriors. His father had wanted love and to have children with the one that he loved, and though their relationship had been a bit strained by the difference of ideals…Sesshomaru knew that his father had loved him greatly as he knew that his father had loved Inuyasha greatly when he was still in his mother’s womb.
It was interesting, since he had become a father, Sesshomaru had been able to see thing in a new and very different light. His father’s last words were ‘do you have someone to protect?’ when he had Rin travelling with him, he had often thought of his father’s words and she would come to mind, but he hadn’t understood why. He had thought that he still had no one to protect until he held Mizuki for the first time.
So small and delicate, she could die at the slightly bit of strength or die from a fall caused by clumsy hands. He would never had thought he could care for such a weak thing, but she like her mother…filled his boring and dull world with wonder and colour. He had someone to protect and it was because he had become a father…the greatest gift and title that he has ever been given. Tired of work and filled with the urge to see his child, Sesshomaru got up and went in search of Mizuki and Kagome.
Finding them in the garden, he stared at them when he saw the smile on Kagome’s face as she played with their daughter in the grass. Kagome wore a simple blue kimono with two or three layers; she seemed to not think of the fine silk that her clothes were made from. It was just like her, but Kagome couldn’t see it unlike him. She needed to be protected from this world, from the filth and living decay that they were. But Kagome was so different, clean and immortal, and though she was still weak…she was above other humans.
See how she played with their daughter, Sesshomaru knew that Motherhood was something that Kagome enjoyed and brought a smile to her face. It was clear that he would have to plant his seed in her womb more for her to become better and happier mother in the future. He watched them and listened to the sweet giggles that filled the air, he was happy that they came from Mizuki and Kagome.
Giggles filled the air until Mizuki noticed her father and was quick to push her mother’s face away from her. Both Kagome and Sesshomaru were surprised when Mizuki started to try and crawl to Sesshomaru. He moved a little closer to them, causing Kagome to finally notice him, but she could care less as their daughter tried to crawl to him. “Move back a little,” Kagome ordered softly when he got too close for Mizuki to get a good crawl out of it.
Unsure of what to do, Sesshomaru did as Kagome ordered before he dismissed the guards and got on the ground and opened his arms to encourage Mizuki to come to him. “That’s a good girl, Mizuki…go to daddy,” Kagome said as she wished for a camera so badly. Sesshomaru watched his little Moonlight struggle to reach him as she continued to try and crawl to him, he felt helpless to aid his child in this moment in her life. “Come, Mizuki.” He whispered to her, unsure of what to say at this moment to her as thousands of different things hit him at once. He was so proud of his daughter and yet he felt guilt for not knowing that she had been learning this kind of thing; he knew that men of this time did not deal with their daughters outside of punishment for disappointing behavior and to marry them off for the benefits that would come from their husbands.
Yet, he wanted to be there and help with every step that his daughter would take to grow up. He wanted to hold her and tell her how proud he was of her…he wanted to be a true father to his child and to the children that would come.
When Mizuki reached him, he picked her up and gave Mizuki a small, but bright smile for her hard work. Mizuki went into a giggle fit at the sight of her father’s smile like she always did, knowing that her father did that only for a rare few. “You did very well, my little Moonlight.” He said to her before kissing her forehead when he noticed that her eyes were beginning to close in slumber.
Kagome watched Mizuki and Sesshomaru, feeling pride that her little girl was crawling, but she felt something else as well. It was disappointment. This showed Kagome how much her daughter felt for her father, and how Kagome couldn’t leave this place. Walking over to Sesshomaru, Kagome took Mizuki from him, and smiled a sad little smile at her daughter’s sleepy face, a sad little smile that had not gone unnoticed by Sesshomaru. “What’s wrong, Kagome? Are you not proud of our daughter for crawling?”
“No, I’m very proud of my baby, but I’m sad too.” She whispered before moving away from Sesshomaru to take Mizuki away for a much needed nap, knowing that Sesshomaru was sure to follow her. They walked in silence as they walked to his rooms. Placing Mizuki on the futon, Kagome lied down with her little girl and watched the sleeping face of her child. “Why are you sad, Kagome? Are you not content with the life that you now have?” Sesshomaru asked, he didn’t understand why she would be unhappy. She was immortal, she was his concubine and she would forever live a life of comfort for the children that she had and would give him.
With a sigh that passed her lips, Kagome looked at Sesshomaru with cold eyes. “Because Sesshomaru…you are killing me.” She whispered softly as unshed tears started coming to her eyes. “What do you mean?” He didn’t understand…he was killing her? How? She was immortal now, how could he be killing her when he wasn’t cutting her head off?
“You are killing my soul, I’m trapped in this damned harem and I can’t leave…I want to be free again, I want to be able to choose again.” She said before looking away from him and wrapping her arms around Mizuki. She wanted her freedom; she wanted to be able to choose where to go and what to do. She wanted to be free of Sesshomaru and the choices that her role forced on her. “I see,” Sesshomaru said. This was a conversation that they had had in the past; often in the time when he had taken her body against her will, hoping that it would teach her the importance of her role.
“I’m sorry, Kagome…but I cannot release you from your status of my concubine, it would make me appear weak.” He lied.
oOo
Sakura frowned at the bottle before her…she really didn’t want to drink it. She want her womb to grow back yet, she didn’t want to have children since they were so disgusting and they would ruin her perfect figure like how the Whore’s figure had been ruined by her mate’s little brat. She really didn’t know the favor that her brother had done her when he had tied her down and ripped her flesh apart until he had clawed out her womb.
It had hurt at the time and it had left her barren, but it would grow back in time just like Sesshomaru’s arm had. But the little bottle before her would force her womb to grow back faster than she wanted and she would then have to have a breeding session with Sesshomaru.
Life was so unfair!
oOo
Kagome walked into her old rooms, surrounded by servants that would stop her from leaving like before. She hated this, she was starting to hate this whole time period to be honest. She was trapped in this role and the routine that she would now fall into. She wanted to be free and she wanted to simply raise her daughter…she also wanted Inuyasha.
Taking off her clothes and lying down, Kagome couldn’t stop the tears that were coming. She had to do something, but the answer was what to do?