Chapter 18: Learning
Kagome lied there beside Sesshomaru, her head pillowed on his chest as he stroked her hair. Tears run down her cheeks, but her face was blank; Sesshomaru looked at her in genuine concern. He held her close, hating the scent of her tears and how they tainted the sweet smell of them mixed together. He wished to stop her tears and instead smile at him with joy, but it seemed too many to ask for.
So he held her and stroked her hair, letting her cry.
Kagome didn’t know what to do; she didn’t want to be forced by him and she refused to let this pain inside of her consume her. Need a break from everything, she got up and went to the Koto that was in his rooms and started to play. Soft and gentle music broke the spell of silence that ensnared the room and the two people within it. Sesshomaru sat up on the futon watched her, remembering that time that she had played with him there. It was beautiful and filled the room with ease, like the gentle pull of the strings took Kagome’s pain and turned it into something beautiful.
Closing her eyes, Kagome let the music out. The music flowed out of her fingertips into the strings of the Koto, spilling forth her emotions that turned into the silent stale air into a beautiful wind that floated between the two of them. Sesshomaru watched her, taking note of the serene look on her face. It made him want to kiss her, to the cause of her serene look instead of the music that she was creating. But he didn’t touch her; he simply watched her and listened to the music that she created when there was a sudden change in it. The joy and happiness within in the music changed into pain and sorrow; he looked at her to see the serene look still in place, but tear were flowing down her cheeks.
He reached out and wiped one of her tears away and caused her to stop, and looked at him. “You play beautifully…who taught you?” he whispered softly before wrapping his arms around her and taking her back to the futon. Kagome rested her head on his chest and rubbed her stomach, feeling the light flutters of their children’s movements inside of her. She didn’t know why he wanted to know, but didn’t see why she shouldn’t tell him.
“My grandmother did after she learned I wanted to play it and after she heard me play for the first time.” Kagome smiled at the memory of finding the old Koto in her grandparents’ house at the shrine and playing with it. How her grandma found her playing and listened to her play before starting her lessons. It had been fun and she had loved playing until her grandma died when Sota was two years old…then all the time she spent learning from her grandma was just a sad memories. “I see…I wonder where she learned how to play? Was your family a fallen noble house or branch family?” Sesshomaru asked.
“My mother is from a noble family…but I have never met them, for some reason my mother stopped talking with them when she married my father, who’s from a family of Shrine keepers, priests and priestesses.” Sesshomaru stared at her for a moment, confused by her words.
“Your mother is from a noble family…is your father’s family wealthy? And why haven’t you been married off yet?” He asked; causing Kagome to look at him with a question in her eyes. “No, my family isn’t wealthy and why would I be married off? I mean…I’m too young to have any babies, though you seem to ignore that and get me pregnant against my will anyway.” Sesshomaru noticed the fire that came to Kagome’s eyes that had been lacking for some time now.
“Too young? Most would be married and carrying their husband’s seed for the third or fourth time at your age, Kagome-” Sesshomaru said softly into her ear before kissing it and continuing, “-Besides why would I not plant my seed in your womb when you are most beautiful with my seed growing inside of you.” Kagome moved her head away and frowned at him. She didn’t feel like that was a compliment like he seemed to think it was; she felt more like he had insulted her. Sesshomaru noticed the frown and moved to kiss her, but moved her head away. She didn’t want him to kiss her because of how it always led to something more with him.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, frowning that she had turned at away from him. He didn’t like it and he didn’t understand; why was she refusing him like this when she belonged to him. She looked at him in the eye and knew it was going to be like all the times that they had sex. She would resist him, he would be gentle as he forced her and in the end, they would both feel the pleasure of their release. But it would be hollow for her with the exception being that one time when he got her pregnant again.
“Kagome…answer me,” the fire was dimming in her eyes and he felt panic piece him like a blade. “What should I say? What can I say? You won’t listen to me…I don’t want to be in this cage, Sesshomaru.” She told him, but knew her words would fall on deaf to his ears once more. Sesshomaru looked at her for a moment before standing and getting dressed. Kagome sighs before getting up and dressing as well since it was clear that Sesshomaru was going to ignore her again and instead go to his study for his work.
With his help, she was dressed and ready for him to carry her to his office like always. Sesshomaru did carry her, but he didn’t go to his office to her surprise, “Where are we going?” Sesshomaru didn’t answer her and simply carried her out of the palace; he refused to have her unhappy and he refused to let her go. She was his and his alone, it would only him that would touch her and fill her womb with seed.
Sesshomaru would never let her go…because he was sure that he would die if he lost her.
oOo
Nori frowned at the body of her son’s mate; the worthless female was dead and she would be happy if it weren’t for the problems that would come with it. The Lords would ask questions and look to who would benefit from Sakura’s death…who would likely be Kagome. Lord Takashi would be need to compensation for the loss to his family and Sesshomaru would not be allowed to refuse.
Lord Takashi could take Mizuki as a bride when she was of age in compensation…or worse. He could take Kagome from Sesshomaru as soon as he learned of his sister’s death and even in her pregnant state, Kagome would be taken, and her babies would be given to Sesshomaru if any of them survived. “I need to talk with Sesshomaru.” She told one of her handmaidens before leaving the room. This could stall their plans or speed them up; she needed to talk with her son about their next course of action quickly.
oOo
Sesshomaru stared at Kagome, content to watch her sleep in his arms. She looked so unguarded and content, giving him little smiles every now and then; he wanted her to be happy and content with him like he was with her at his side. Why couldn’t she? Why wasn’t she happy in the harem of his palace? She was happy to have his children, but saddened at having them at her age and that he was the one, who fathered them on her.
She likely thought he didn’t notice, but he did and it pained him at times until she looked at him with Mizuki. When she looked at him holding and caring for their child, a look would appear on her face like all her pain and sorrow melted away to leave behind happiness. He enjoyed that look and wanted to see it on her face all the time, but he didn’t get to see it on her face every day like he should. Sorrow and pain was always there on her face when she looked at him, and when she thought of his brother or escaping him…hope would light up her blue eyes.
He tightened his hold on her; he couldn’t lose her for anything in the world.
Seeing his target come into sight, Sesshomaru slowly started their descent. Careful of keeping Kagome unharmed, Sesshomaru landed on the stones around the hot springs. Knowing that Kagome would sleep for a bit longer and need to feed their children soon, he moved her to a bed of grass, and placed a barrier around her before leaving to hunt something down for her. He couldn’t help, but be nervous and concerned about leaving Kagome alone with only a barrier; Sesshomaru wondered what Kagome would do or try when she woke up to see that he wasn’t there with her. Would she try to leave his barrier and escape him or would she leave the barrier and try to kill him when he came back for her, or would she do something unexpected like she always does.
oOo
Kagome slowly opened her eyes to the gentle sunlight raining down on her face. Sitting up, confusion played on her face as she looked at her surroundings until she saw the hot spring behind her. She stared at it like a man dying of thirst before almost tearing her clothes off to enjoy the hot water that awaited her.
Magic exploded on her skin, the moment she stepped in; the bathes at the harem were fine, but Sesshomaru would never leave her alone. He wouldn’t touch her at first, but just watch her as she cleaned her body and hair then his eyes would turn red. When his eyes turned red, it told her that he was coming in with her and that he was going to take her then and there; she would watch as he stripped his clothes off. Then he would take her there in the water, ruining the pleasure of the water with hollow pleasure that he forced on her. She wished that she had never told him about that demon.
But she was content at the moment with him gone and her in the hot spring. She smiled at the feel of her babies fluttering happily inside of her, it was clear that her kids were going to be hot spring fans like their mommy when they were born and Kagome was going to enjoy playing with them in the hot springs when they were old enough. A frown suddenly appeared at that thought…would this be the last time that she stepped outside of Sesshomaru’s harem? Would she be trapped there forever after when Sesshomaru came back for her and this day ended? She didn’t want that, but it was likely to happen. Resting her head on the edge, she wondered why her future had been shown from her like this.
Kagome was unaware to the gaze of gold on her until Sesshomaru emerged from the treeline with his catch. She turned and stared at Sesshomaru, wondering if this was going to be like all the times before now. “How are you feeling, Kagome?” he asked as he dropped the deer before walking over to the hot spring. Kagome didn’t answer as he started to strip; she turned away from him.
Being annoyed by her behaviour and actions, he got in and wrapped his arms around her. “What’s wrong?” He whispered into her ear; he wanted to look at him, but she didn’t. “Why did you bring me here?” She asked; she wanted out of his arms, she wanted to enjoy the hot water that she stood in. Sesshomaru looked at her for a moment before letting her go and sitting away from her.
“It becoming more and more clear that you are unhappy at our life. I desire to change that and make you content to be with me,” he stated to her; Kagome turned around and looked at him confused. She turned and saw in his eyes that he wasn’t joking, but stating fact to her, and she didn’t know what to say to that. He wanted her to be content with him? Why? Why did he suddenly care after all this time? “Why do you want me to be content with you?” She asked him, wanting the answer. He looked into her ocean blue eyes and wondered how she could ask him that; she was the woman that warmed his bed, birthed his children and her presence warmed his cold life. He wouldn’t have their daughter without her or their unborn children that were growing inside her, under her heart.
He needed her, but she seemed blind to that.
“Why would I not? You belo-”
“I DON’T BELONG TO YOU, SESSHOMARU! I BELONG TO MYSELF WHEN, ARE YOU GOING TO LEARN THAT?!” She shouted at him, her power close to the surface because her angered emotions and the hurt that she felt. Sesshomaru smell it in her scent and feel it through her aura, but he felt confused by the emotions inside of him that raged at her words. It hurt that she believed that she didn’t belong to him and angered him that she believed she belonged to herself when the babies in her womb said otherwise. “Learn what, Kagome? Even in human society, you would be mine because of the babies in your womb and the power that I would hold as a Lord. So tell me why you think that would change in the demon world? I have told you before that you are mine and that will not change now or ever!”
Kagome stared at him for a moment before getting out of the hot spring and moving to her clothes to get dressed. But Sesshomaru had followed her out and grabbed her from behind; without a second thought she released her power, burning him…but he didn’t let her go. She continued to burn him with her powers, but he didn’t let her go…it was likely he couldn’t let her go and tears came to her eyes as she suddenly started to scream.
Her scream was that of Death taking hold of their heart and slowly ripping it out of their chest; Sesshomaru could almost feel the pain with her as she continued to burn him with her powers. But he didn’t let her go from his embrace; he needed to hold her, to her release all had been hiding inside her. He took the pain from her constant attack of her holy power; he listened to her screamed of pain and smelled her tears in the air. Sesshomaru would give anything in that moment to stop her pain that just continued to escape her. After what seemed like forever, Kagome couldn’t do it anymore…or rather, her body couldn’t.
Choking on her own screams, Kagome tried to calm her breathing, only to feel the bile rise from her throat. Sensing she was going to be sick, Sesshomaru picked her up to carry her over to some bushes and held her hair back as she puked over and over. She didn’t stop until her stomach was completely empty and she could barely stay awake anymore. Seeing that, Sesshomaru lied her down on his kimono before dressing himself. He stared at her as he did so, her body and so was the Kosode that was barely on; he picked up the rest of her clothes before gently picking her up as well.
She was so pale and seemed so fragile in his arms, Sesshomaru hoped that Kagome was alright and that their unborn were alright after their mother’s outburst of emotion. He moved the cloth of her Kosode out of the way and ran his hand on the bare flesh of her swelling stomach; reassuring himself that their babies were fine.
Feeling better about their babies and their health, Sesshomaru carried Kagome away from the hot spring to a cave that wasn’t too far. He would come back for the deer when Kagome was safe and comfortable in the cave.
oOo
Nori paced her rooms, her mind run a thousand miles a minute to where her stupid son and Kagome could be. They had been gone for a few hours now and she was still surprised that Sesshomaru had taken Kagome out of the palace; he was so protective of Kagome with her latest pregnancy and the threat of the demon spy, that it was very odd that he would take her out with him.
She just hoped that he would be hope soon so she could dump the issue of his dead mate into his lap and she could get back to her stuffed animals for her unborn grandchildren…she wonder how Sesshomaru would reaction if she gave a few pink ones for her unborn grandsons. She smiled at the thought.
oOo
Kagome awoke to find herself on a futon and Sesshomaru hovering over her. He said nothing and got up to pick up a tray of cooked meat and rice, he put it in her lap. His face told her that he wasn’t going to argue and that she was going to eat, willing or not; she decided to go the way of the willing with this one, and started eating. Sesshomaru watched like a hawk as she ate and didn’t take his eyes off her until there wasn’t anything left. “Are you alright?” he asked her as she moved the dishes to the side.
She didn’t answer and simply stared at her stomach; she didn’t know what to say to him and really…she didn’t want to talk with him at the moment. “…What is your family like?” Sesshomaru suddenly asked out of the blue. Kagome looked at him, her mind wondering what was going on with him. “Why are you asking?” she asked in an annoyed tone. Kagome hated that; she hated how he always acted like nothing happened that they were a couple. But they weren’t a couple; she was his toy, his baby maker, so it didn’t make sense to her.
Sesshomaru frowned at her for the tone. “Because we created Mizuki and those babies in you, but we are not the parents that we should or that they deserve!” he growled at her; she wasn’t fazed by it at all. “Yes, we created Mizuki and these lives inside me…but you’re wrong about me not be their mother. You took me without a thought to my feelings, I carried Mizuki inside me and gave birth to her with the fear that something was wrong with her or that she would die during the birth or after because of your physicians. Then she have been taken from me because you want more children and I’m forced to comply if I want to see her, so now I’m pregnant again, Sesshomaru. I am her mother and the mother of your unborn children, I didn’t ask or want it, but I am. I love my babies, but I don’t see why I would want their father, who has no respect for me because of what society says it doesn’t matter and I don’t belong to him because society expects it.”
Sesshomaru looked at her as she stared back at him before turning away and lying down, tired from her own emotions and Sesshomaru’s stupidity. It was clear that this couldn’t go on and that she didn’t want to play ‘family’ with him. Kagome just wanted to live instead of being a pretty little sex doll for Sesshomaru and his baby maker; she had enough and she was going to fight back for both herself and for her children.
Sesshomaru continued to look at her, feeling that he had learned something important, but not sure what it was. But he did know on think…he needed to learn and change.