Chapter 28: Suffering of love
Sesshomaru stared at her, thinking of the home that she rarely spoke about. But she just kept her eyes on Yumi, who continued to nurse from her mother. He waited patiently, knowing that it would be hard for Kagome to trust him with something like this. After all, he knew that for the longest time she had hoped to escape to her homeland and to her family from him.
“No one would be able to follow me there.” She whispered after Yumi had fallen asleep.
How he loved seeing his child suckle at her mother’s breast, even as that child fell asleep suckling.
“But I don’t know if the children can follow me there.”
“I don’t understand, why wouldn’t they be able to follow you there?”
Would her family reject their children? He was already uncomfortable with the idea of Kagome returning to her former home. He knew that she would likely be safe there with her family and their children as he was off, fighting for their survival against the others that would take all that was his.
She turned to look at their children as if the thought of leaving them for a moment was an unbearable one. To which, he would agree with.
The idea of not being with her and their children was an unbearable one for him.
“The passage to my home would only allow me…and Inuyasha through.” She said as she moved Yumi away from her breast to cover herself again.
Sesshomaru said nothing and just stared at her for a moment. His brother was a threat to their children and was able to go to what might be the only safe place for them in the coming days. His brother continued to be a thorn in his paw, a thorn that he needed to remove for the sake of his family’s safety.
Though he knew that his father would be upset with him for what he would do; it did not matter to him when faced with what his family needed to be safe.
“I will deal with Inuyasha then before we go to your family’s home.” He informed her.
She looked at him, a questioning look appeared in her eyes as if she didn’t understand what he was telling her. But it clear to be the case when she asked him. “What do you mean deal with Inuyasha? He has nothing to do with this? I’m not even sure that the well will even open for us anymore.”
Her words only reminded him all the more that Kagome was tired and needed rest. How he had forgotten that she had just given birth was beyond him but it was clear that the conversation needed to end for a time.
Taking Yumi away, he placed her with the others as he thought of how to answer her question since he knew that she would not rest until she gain it. But how could he approach this? Kagome would never believe that his brother would be a threat to their children, that he wanted to paint his claws red with their innocent blood. She saw something in the twist, foolish creature that shared blood with him. His brother has been twisted by life and the beings in this realm, something that he would do his best to keep from happening to Yumi.
He knew that he was to blame for never being there for his half brother, but whenever he looked at his brother…he would be reminded of their father and the sacrifice made by him for a newborn that would grow into an ungrateful half-breed that would stain his claws with innocent blood.
Not even he had ever done that.
“My brother will do whatever he needs to get what he wants in the end, Kagome and you are what he wants most of all in this world.” He watched her, waiting for what she would say to his words. The answer was a cruel one.
“I know…he was once the one thing that I wanted most in this life too.”
How those words cut him to the quick; his soul was left raw and bleeding from open wounds done by her words. His brother was the thing that she had wanted most in life when it should be him that she wanted most. He was the one that cared for her, slept at her side every night and gave her the honor of birthing his children but he was found lacking compared to his brother in her beautiful ocean blue gaze.
Why was he always the one found lacking despite the love he gave to those most dear to him.
He said nothing more to Kagome. He simply picked up Mizuki who was beginning to wake up from her nap at her siblings’ side and walked out into the hall. He needed to be alone for a minute and think of what would be the best course of action.
oOo
Kagome stared at the doors to her birthing chambers and wondered what she had said that seemed to upset Sesshomaru. The look on his face had been one that she had never truly seen from him. Really the only expressive part of him was his eyes most of the time, but this had been different.
There had been real hurt in his expression as if he had been give a fatal wound that he might not survive. She had never seen him like that before and it only filled her with worry about what had just happened between them.
Lying there on her futon, she looked at the beautiful cherry blossoms on the walls yet they didn’t bring her peace as she had hoped they would. She felt so lost and alone in that room with only her children there with her. How was she going to do all this with him? He had always been so in control of everything but that one look just whispered to her that he wasn’t. That he was going to be her rock in the difficult days ahead clearly wasn’t going to happen and all it did was make her miss her old life all the more.
She missed her friends, her family and Inuyasha but knew that she was likely never to see none of them ever again. The world was a chaotic mess that there was little she could do to change it at the moment. She had too many children to care for on her own and she knew Sesshoamru to be a good father…at times, he reminded her of her own father when she saw Sesshomaru playing with Mizuki or when he would talk to her pregnant belly, telling their unborn children of the world that they would one day see.
How had her mother done it? Pregnant with a ball of endless energy for a six year old along with as handling the sudden loss of her husband. Her mother had been all alone; her own family had disowned her for not going through with the arranged marriage and Kagome had never met a single one of her relatives on that side of the family, except for the one time her grandfather had come over. He had desired to plan an arranged marriage for her like he had with her mother, but unlike her mother who had been so timid before falling in love, Kagome had refused and told the old man to never return. It was something that she could not understand at all. How could a member of her family not see her as a person, someone to love and care about? Why had she only been a tool in the eyes of that old man?
Thank goodness that she had another grandfather, a true and loving grandfather that had thought twice of taking his daughter-in-law and grandchild in. If it hadn’t been for grandpa then their fate would have possibly been a sad one.
She turned to look at her babies. They slept beside her so peacefully, unaware of the danger that would see them all dead or breed when of age. Her mother had protected her from the cold world after her father’s death and her mother had been pregnant as well. Kagome felt ashamed that for being so weak. Her own mother had been so strong for herself and her children.
Kagome needed to do the same.
oOo
The pain was crippling. His body begged him to stopped but it needed to be done; he need to do this to help her, save her from all that was happening to her. His pain would be nothing compared to what she continued to endure, the blood that stained his claws were nothing to the blood that her own body was forced to shed for that monster. His mind was plagued with the thought of her tears and what she was forced to endure.
She didn’t deserve it. She was sweet and compassionate, she was pure as fallen snow, deserving all the wonders that the world could offer her. But instead being kept that way, she was being tainted and tormented.
He needed to save her.
“INUYASHA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Sango shouted when she suddenly appeared at the base of his tree.
“Go away,” he grunted out. He knew that she would try to stop him, but he needed to do this for Kagome. Needed to be able to save her with a body that would be able to do that. His arm was just dead weight that wasn’t going to help him do that. Sango continued to call out to him to stop, begging him to not continue but he had to. He had to be rid of the dead weight if he hoped to save Kagome.
The pain was bad as he clawed through the muscle but he didn’t scream until he started to claw through his bone. The pain was so intense that he puked up everything that had been in his stomach. It was for her, it was for her and he could continue this torture for her. She was the one that went through pain of being raped by his brother, filled with his vile children again and again that he could withstand the pain of removing his own arm.
OoOo
“They remind me of us.” Rie muttered as she curled up on her mate’s chest. Their futon was so warm just like her insides were from the seed that he had filled her with.
“Oh? The female only reminds me of how happy you are when you push out the pups that I put into your belly.” Her mate said with such confidence. He really was such a brazen male, even if he was right. She had only mated him in the beginning to protect her newborn baby brother from all that would kill him but he had wormed his way into her heart with amazing sex and his caring nature towards her and her brother.
“Happy? Oh yes, I am ever so happy to push them out since I couldn’t stand to carry the weight anymore. You sire heavy pups. Every. Single. Time.” She growled into his face before kissing him sweetly.
She loved it when he kissed her back, being quite dominating as he did so. He had never been a submissive partner and it was enjoyable when they would play fight in bed. No, that had been Nori. It was such a pity that her oldest friend was an enemy now.
“Stop.”
“Stop what? Letting you put pups in me?”
“No, we both know that I’ll never stop doing that. Stop thinking of Nori, she didn’t betray you like you think.”
She sit up to glare at her mate for his words. Nori had betrayed her, betrayed their friendship with her words and actions against that sweet baby girl. It left a sick feeling in her guts to think that her oldest and dearest friend would do that to one of her own blood.
What you were should have meant nothing to family, it hadn’t to her parents. They had loved each other and the children that they made together, deeply. They had never cared that one of their children was a blend of them both in breed like her brother instead of just a demon with holy powers like herself. Her parents had loved each of them simply because they had made them out of love.
“We both know it’s not that simple, Rie. Our society is the reason as well as the pain that was inflected upon her.” Hotaka told her softly as if that would quell the pain inside of her at the betrayal.
She and Nori had been friends since they had been infants. They were the sisters that they never had what with Rie being the only daughter and all of Nori’s sisters were so much older than her as well as mated. “It’s still wrong.”
“I’m not disagreeing with the fact that it was wrong but we have gotten quite off the topic at hand. What has the young couple reminding you of us?”
Sitting up on her mate’s chest, she thought how Sesshomaru and his mate had been like her and Hotaka. Sesshomaru had taken Kagome as his concubine to continue his line and Hotaka had taken her as his mate for the same reason…though she had been able to evade his attempts at capture for a few hundred years before her parents had been killed and her infant brother needed the safety that only Hotaka could given him.
“She resists him like I did you and he refuses to understand like you did with me.”
“You could only resist for so long, my love and I was an ignorant brute that was slow to understand you as well as the pain you were going through.” He whispered as he pulled her down by her arms so that he could kiss her as he desired. “I was in love with you from the first moment that I laid eyes on you and chased you for so long that when I finally had you; I was eager and did not think of the new duties rush upon you by our mating and by the loss of your parents.”
“I was being childish at the-”
“No, I was a brute that wanted my woman and thought nothing of her feelings. Yes, I was young but youth is no excuse, my love. But time, love and the guidance of my father help me to see the error of my ways.”
There was such love in his eyes for her, it made her feel as if she was the most beautiful thing in the realms. She could only hope that Sesshomaru could do the same for his own mate in time.
“Maybe you should talk with Sesshomaru then. Give him guidance in the coming war as well as how to care for Kagome.”
“Maybe…for a kiss from my love.”