Chapter 10: Blame

It was a living thing inside of her. It protected her from everything that this world intended to throw at her. She screamed as she used it against the threat to her.

Her power was so quick to obey her like a child that wanted to help its mother.

The area around her filled with her power, forcing the demons around her to leave or be harmed. She was no threat to them but instinctively knew that she would need the room. Kagome readied an arrow and pulled on the memory. She pulled on the memory of using her power to strike down her enemies no matter the direction.

Pain exploded inside of her as it had the first time that she had tried it. But the pain would not deter her as it had years before. She was strong enough to endure now as she had once before.

The demonic power that had threatened her disappeared as she pulled the arrow back. “Kagome stop!”

It was Saburo that had shouted that. She refused to stop, she had worked too hard to suddenly stop when the threat did. She would end the threat to her and prove that she wasn’t the same person as before.

She wasn’t going to be the Kagome that had lived through Sesshomaru’s abuse. She wasn’t going to be the kindhearted warrior anymore either. Kagome was in hell and that meant that she needed to become something more.

She needed to be darker than she had ever been. She wouldn’t turn on the innocent but she wouldn’t let her enemies retreat any longer.
Kagome released the arrow.

It flew in the air before it disappeared before her eyes. Without another thought, she turned to leave with the bow still in hand as the silence that filled the training grounds grew.

Her power moved inside and outside of her flesh. It was a living thing that was her to command as she desired. She would never abuse her power has others had but she refused to be weak any longer.

She went back to her rooms, to her children, who were being tended to by Haruto. Haruto gave her a smile and Kagome gave one in return before going to them. Yet unlike Haruto, her smile didn’t feel like it was filled with happiness.

Mizuki instantly went to her and sat down on her lap. Kagome wrapped her arms around her oldest, feeling a comfort that filled her soul with warmth. The warmth and love that she felt for all her children only served to show how weak she had been. They deserved better than her.

But she knew that she was all that they had and that she would die for them. She would be stronger, she would be a true warrior that defended her children from all threats.

“Kagome,” Saburo called as he appeared in the doorway.

Haruto went to the side of her lover but Saburo just pushed her behind him as if to protect her. It was silly really, Kagome would never hurt Haruto. “Yes?”

“What was all that?” Saburo questioned her. “That wasn’t necessary at all!”

She just looked at him for a moment as he went on to tell her why it had been unnecessary. She only listened with half an ear, turning her attention to Mizuki and her baby babbling. Some part of her seemed to know what her child was saying as Mizuki tried to tell. Mizuki had done this before but it was only now that Kagome realized that she had never truly paid attention.

Her pain and sadness had been overwhelming her so much that she had failed as a mother. She had missed out on so much without ever realizing anything at all. It was another thing that Sesshomaru had done to her.

It was something that Kagome realized that she had let him do to her.

She had allowed herself to become weak to save another. But in the end, she some many had suffered for the one to live. Was that something that was right or wrong? To Kagome that all felt so wrong.
It had been the right thing to do two years ago. Because the person that she had been was a person that would sacrifice herself for others. Yet looking into her baby girl’s face, Kagome knew…others had suffered. Others had suffered for her stupidity and it was time to stop that all.

“You’re not listening to me at all right now,” Saburo growled at her.

She turned her attention to him then. There was a tired look on her face because that was what she was with him. She was tired of everything. She was tired of having others scold her for what she knew was right and wrong. She was tired of being ignored or told to obey.

She was sick of being tired and done with it all. “Yes, I’m not listening because I’m sick of it.”

“Sick of it?” Saburo echoed like a child.

“Yes,” she told him. “Sick of it! I’m sick of listening and being told to obey. I’m sick of being weak instead of strong. I’m sick of men thinking that they know what I should be.”

Silence filled the room around them for a few moments before he asked a question of her. It was not a question that she had been expecting.

“So what are you going to do about it?”

There was only one answer for that though.

“Become more than I have been.” Her mind flashed to Saburo’s sisters-in-law had said to her a few hours before. “I need to become even stronger so that no one can truly break me again.”

OoOo

Sango sat beside Kaede, all her children were asleep behind them, dreaming sweet dreams. Her mind was filled with everything that had happened. It all felt so wrong to her and she knew that all of this, she carried some of the blame.

“Stop,” Kaede commanded softly.

Sango stared into the flames of the fire, feeling her fill with pressure.  “How can I? This is all so wrong. She never deserved all this and I never helped her…she helped me so many times.”

Sango felt Kaede’s eyes on her but didn’t look up to look into them. She didn’t want to think of this was all a game of chance, how that was all that life was. She had caused pain to her best friend by focusing only on her own life and her family.

She could have done more but she hadn’t.

She couldn’t have that anymore. She couldn’t look at her husband and not feel angry for what he did.

He had abandoned Kagome to a fate she would never want on another woman. He had told her that Kagome belonged with Sesshomaru, that they would be happy together. It had all been lies.

He always lies and yet she had believed him. It made her a fool.

She knew that she should have never married him but her heart had decided for her. It made her long for her father and true home. Her people would have never allowed her to marry a man that was such a liar and cheat. They would have convinced her that she could do better, which she could have before.

Still, she could not regret loving him and having his children. But she knew that it would be a long time before she could forgive him or herself.

All of them were to blame in the end.

Sesshomaru’s Mate Chapter 9  Sesshomaru’s Mate Chapters  Sesshomaru’s Mate Chapter 11