Chapter 18: The life of Two

He stared at her retreating back, a panic filling his very being. “Kagome! Wait!”

She didn’t, she continued on, leaving him behind once more. The panic grew, taking a life of it’s own inside of him as he watched. He wanted to follow, willed his legs to move.

They didn’t.

He was trapped in that one barren spot as she walked away. He would be alone with nothing but his brother’s corpse for company, he found that thought unpleasant. He should have looked at Inuyasha, to feel more regret at what he had done. Only he didn’t want to look away from her. 

Watching her, his mind thought of her soft skin, her gentle eyes, her sweet touch. She had been a warrior, battle hardened by everything that she had endured. That didn’t change the woman that she always had been. The woman that she had been even when he was at her side.

She was covered in scars from their time together, both physical and mental.

She hated him for it, despite the fact he couldn’t regret his actions. If he did then it would mean regretting everything, their children included. Nothing in this world would ever make him do that.

The panic was almost unbearable as she started to disappear over the horizon. It was then the spell that held his legs in place disappeared. He pushed his body harder, faster than he ever had before. The panic was no different when he had been desperate to save Rin from Hell.

A tear blurred his vision as his arm encircled her.

There was no doubt in his mind that she would punish him for touching her. He was more than willing to lose his other arm if it meant that he could hold her. Limbs were replaceable compared to her.

Yet, she did nothing as he held her to him. Her back to his chest, the comfort that he felt was overwhelming. The tear spilled, running down his cheek to fall on her shoulder. She didn’t do anything, never acknowledged him as he had his moment. “I love you, Kagome.”

“That is a lie, Sesshomaru…all of this is a lie and I’m sick of them.” 

“Then you should stop lying to yourself, Kagome. Because I do love you,” he whispered into her ear. He longed to touch her skin, to kiss her sweet lips.

He knew that he couldn’t, not after everything that had happened. Instead, he did the one thing that he didn’t want to do.

He let her go and walked around to face her. The expression that she wore cut at him. 

She was devoid of anything. Her eyes stared at him with an emptiness that made him want to bring her back to life. “Do you want me to kiss you?”

She jerked away from him at that question and hissed an answer. “No!”

Fire and rage burned in her eyes for a moment before it faded. That fire couldn’t be extinguished.

“I think you do,” he told her as he moved closer to her. His need to touch her taking a mind of its own. A mind that he would leash with chains. “I think you want me to kiss you, touch you like I had.”

She stepped back and away from him, the fire sparking to life in her eyes. “No, Sesshomaru.”

“Tell me why? Or I’ll think you’re just trying to tempt me to do more.” He needed to draw the fire out, to help it burn bright again as it always had. “Tell me what you want, Kagome.”

“WHAT WOULD BE THE POINT? YOU NEVER LISTEN!!!” She screeched at him as her flames burst from her.

He stared at her as she burned with her blue fire surrounding her, shielding her from him. The rage within her eyes was so welcome compared to the emptiness that had been. The desire to hold her once more was unbearable at the sight.

So he tightened the chains.

“You hate me…I underst-”

“You’re an arrogant jackass, you know that, Sesshomaru?” she hissed at him. The silk of her gown whipped around her with her emotions. “You think you know everything. You think you know my own goddamn mind but guess what? You don’t!”

He watched as she started to pace, her mood suddenly more explosive than he had ever known it to be. It was almost concerning how attractive he found that.

“Kagome, I-” his mouth was paralyzed before he could say more.

Suddenly, she stood directly before him, mere inches separated them. He had found himself wanting to close that distance to take her sweet lips. “Shut up, Sesshomaru. I’m talking not you.”

With that said, she turned to pace some more and he found his mouth wouldn’t close. He watched as she continued, the fires were burning the grass and the soil beneath. It didn’t didn’t spread, it followed her…that told Sesshomaru more than Kagome would know.

She was strong before; that was the first thing he had noticed. Now she was even stronger than him. It hurt to realize that he had stunted her true growth, that she could have been more. 

It was so clear now with her beauty burning so bright from within.

Finally she stopped before him again. Her expression was so furious, that didn’t hide the pain or the sadness. “I don’t hate you…I hate the things that you have done. I hate the last few years that I have had to live with you. I hate that I had no voice, that no one would listen to me. TRULY LISTEN!”

Tears filled her eyes then, how many times had he been the cause of her crying?

“I don’t hate you but I don’t want you in my life either. I can’t do that, we have children together…I love them but I want to die so bad. To feel nothing would be so much better than all of this.”

OoOo

She stared at him through the tears, never expecting him to understand. She saw the pained expression on his face, her words had caused it. That didn’t change the truth of her feelings, though she didn’t understand why he would look at her like that.

He had never been willing to listen in the past. How many times had she tried to get him to understand? How many broken promises had he made her?

Inuyasha was dead because of them.

The tears only seem to run harder as she thought about him. She couldn’t blame only Sesshomaru…she had her own part to play in his death. He had threatened her children, his nieces and nephews without a thought.

His reasons had been unreasonable. He knew better than anyone that an innocent was an innocent until it wasn’t.

She had once loved him, some part of her still did. It grieved his loss so deeply that she began to sob. Yet, she knew that she loved her children more than him. That killing him to save their lives wasn’t something she could regret.

“I think I’m a monster,” she whispered softly.

She didn’t expect an answer from Sesshomaru, he was so quiet for once. He wasn’t trying to talk over her, or convince her to his way of thinking. She could barely see him beyond the tears and the flames that surrounded her.

The fire she created was the only thing that was keeping her warm. She felt so cold and numb, drained as she cried. It had never been like that before.

It had hurt to cry for the last few years, it had done nothing. It hadn’t been the release that she had always known it to be. It was instead like everything toxic just stayed inside as the tears flowed.

This was different.

“Kagome…You could never be a monster,” he whispered to her.

“Why is that? You killed Inuyasha but I didn’t stop you. I didn’t do anything for him, I watched as you killed him. I haven’t done anything in years, I just watch and cry.”

“He threatened our children,” Sesshomaru answered.

She turned away, seeing the scorched path she had created with her pacing. Each step whispered all of her fears, concerns and the power that she had no control over. 

Inuyasha was dead, her children were alive and she was unstable to the point of wishing death upon herself. With a glance, she saw the only constant thing in her life. Could she call him a monster when she was the one in constant flux? 

“Why did you pick me? Why do you keep coming back for me? You know I’m crazy, right?” She asked. 

Chapter 17 Sesshomaru’s Mate Chapters Chapter 19

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